As the mother of a nonverbal autistic child, few things are more intimidating than venturing out into the real world. Something as simple as going to the grocery store can be physically draining and emotionally overwhelming. Through a lot of trial and error, I’ve developed a few strategies and coping mechanisms that make these trips a little easier. One of the questions I get asked the most is: How does my nonverbal child make selections at the grocery store?

Understanding My Son

Before I go further, I want to make one thing clear — if you’ve met one nonverbal autistic child, you’ve met one nonverbal autistic child. Every child on the spectrum is unique, and what works for my son may not work for someone else’s.

My son doesn’t speak in full words or sentences, and while he does have a communication device from school (this kind of AAC talker device), he rarely uses it at home. In fact, as I’m writing this, I’m pretty sure his device is still buried somewhere in his backpack from the last day of school.

So how does he communicate his wants and needs? For us, communication happens mostly through physical gestures. He pulls me toward what he wants or brings the item directly to me — like juice boxes, snacks, or toys. It’s a simple but powerful way of saying, “Mom, I want this.”

When it comes to grocery shopping, people often assume he doesn’t participate in making choices — but he absolutely does.

How My Nonverbal Autistic Child Makes Grocery Store Choices

Every so often, my son will grab something off a shelf and hand it to me. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I treat it like a big deal. Unless it’s completely out of budget or not safe for him, I’ll buy it. Why? Because that’s communication. He’s telling me, “I want this,” and I want to encourage him to keep doing that.

*Disclaimer: This isn’t professional medical or behavioral advice. I fully understand this approach won’t work for all nonverbal autistic children. But for our family, it has helped tremendously in encouraging communication and autonomy.*

More commonly, though, I’ll show him items I know he likes and wait for his response. I’ll hold something up, say his name, and ask, “Do you want this?” He’ll either take it from me — that’s a yes — or push it away, which clearly means no.

This system has worked wonders. It’s not perfect, and it doesn’t always prevent meltdowns or confusion, but it gives him a sense of control. It also helps me avoid filling the cart with things he won’t eat or touch once we get home.

One important thing I’ve learned: don’t assume he won’t want something based on the past. Kids on the spectrum can surprise you. My son has occasionally chosen items that go completely against his usual sensory preferences — and actually enjoyed them! Letting him be involved in picking new foods has helped expand his diet little by little.

Obviously, if your child is more impulsive or tends to grab everything off the shelves, this approach might not work as well. But for us, it’s been life-changing. Giving him choices helps reduce his anxiety, builds confidence, and encourages him to interact in his own way.

And honestly, if it means he’s a little less suspicious of new foods when I put them on his plate later? That’s a win in my book.

Do you have any grocery store strategies that work well for your nonverbal autistic child? Share your tips in the comments — our shared experiences help make these everyday challenges a little less isolating.